Time After Time
by The Great Wizard Moroni
Summary: A completely absurd journey through Dalton and William McKinley High Schools
1. Chapter I

Author's Note: This peice of fiction is entirely for comedic purposes only. It is slightly absurd. Expect more chapters soon.

* * *

Chapter One - 525,600 Minutes

Every step Kurt took was agonizingly slow. Every time his foot hit the hallway's carpeted floor, Kurt could feel one of his perfect locks bounce slowly out of place. He briefly considered raising a hand to fix it, but that would take at least an hour to get his fingertips to the level of his eyes. "Damn this hallway," he thought.

His satchel was on its slow descent from a bounce caused by a step he took ten minutes ago. As the book-bag hit his thigh, Kurt heard someone call to him. Very slowly, and drawn out.

"Kuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu"

Kurt began to turn his head to see who the owner of this voice was.

"uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu"

"Is it Blaine?" Kurt thought, "I hope its Blaine."

"uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu" the voice continued.

Kurt almost had his head turned when suddenly there was a jolt. The sudden transition from slow-motion to normal speed caused him to trip. He had exited the hallway, and was now in the grand foyer that connected the four main hallways. Kurt stood up and fixed his hair. He turned to look down the speed-constricting corridor from which he had just exited.

"uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu" the voice still called to him.

Kurt squinted his eyes, so as to see better. There, at the end of the hallway, sprinting in full _Baywatch_ style was none other than Blaine "Fuck me right now" Anderson. His black curls bouncy, his blazer unbuttoned and flapping in the slowed wind. His crotch – Kurt shook his head. "Not right now Kurt," he thought "these uniform slacks are very revealing. Save these thoughts for your room and your sock."

Kurt had a good twenty minutes to kill while Blaine rushed down the hallway at the speed of a snail, so he walked over to the small coffee vendor placed conveniently outside the slow-motion hallway.

"Business must be booming," Kurt said to the barista with a smile, "I'm sure you _run_ out of coffee pretty _fast_." Kurt joked. "Especially since everyone here is in such a _rush_." By now the boy had himself in stitches laughing.

"Hardee har har," the barista said sarcastically, "aren't you clever. What'll you have? "

Kurt wiped a tear from his eye and regained his regal composure. "Iced vanilla frappe," he said, "with _skim_ milk. None of this two percent crap."

The barista rolled his eyes and went to work making Kurt's drink. Kurt glanced down the hallway, and saw that Blaine had made it about five feet – and this is at a full on sprint.

The barista slid the iced frappe across the counter to Kurt. "There you go, princess." Kurt glared, grabbed his drink, and went and sat at one of the study tables. He pulled out Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and began reading while Blaine made his slow voyage down the slow-motion hallway.

Kurt had finished his drink (and two chapters of his book) by the time Blaine arrived. Blaine was sweaty and out of breath. Kurt took one glance at the head Warbler, and had to cover the crotch of his pants with his book.

"Tired?" Kurt asked.

"You have no idea." Blaine replied, smiling.

"Hey," the barista interjected, "is that your wallet?"

Blaine turned to look. Sure enough, halfway down the slow-motion hallway was a wallet embroidered with a large gold "B" for Blaine. Blaine looked at Kurt. "Be right back," he said. Then Blaine turned and began his run through molasses that was the slow motion hallway.

Kurt watched him run. "Dat ass," he thought. And Kurt knew that he wouldn't be moving the Harry Potter book unless he wished to reveal to the world his raging erection.


	2. Chapter The Second

Picture, if you will, William McKinley High School's choir room. Glee club is meeting. Brad is sitting at the piano, speechless as usual. Will Schuester is casting sexually-charged looks at Noah Puckerman, who is attempting to ignore them by flirting with Mercedes Jones. Sam Evans and Mike Chang are "admiring" each other's abdominal muscles while Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray giggle like little school girls. Artie Abrams and Tina Cohen-Chang are arguing. Brittney Peirce and Santan Lopez are making out. And, in the back row, Finn Hudson sits alone, with his phone, very tempted to text his step-brother, Kurt Hummel.

Unbeknownst to these flirtatious teens and teacher, one Sue Sylvester is watching them, in her dark and cavernous secret office, through twenty-three hidden cameras. As Mr. Schue – Pedo Bear, Sue called him, began that day's lesson (probably something stupid like _believing in yourself_ or _hard work_ or _all you need is love_) Sue daintily plucked a small piece of chocolate from the bowl on the surveillance desk.

Sue popped the chocolate into her mouth, and swallowed it whole. She turned. "Becky," she said, "get my assault rifle. These losers need a lesson. A lesson _**in pain!**_"

"Yes coach!" Becky said eagerly, and she ran off to retrieve Sue's weapon.

Meanwhile, in the choir room, Puck was singing some acoustic song to Mercedes. Will Schuester, however, just stared at the boy, lust in his eyes. "What I would do to that boy," Will thought, "he would not be able to walk straight for days. I would tear up his ass. His firm, muscular, delicious ass…" Will crossed his legs. It was very indecent for a teacher to be caught with an erection, especially during class.

Mercedes jumped up and began dueting with Puck. "God, I hate this song," Will thought, "_Fergalicious_ does not sound good acoustic." Merceds began rubbing up on Puck while they danced. "Get out of my way token black girl!" Will screamed in his head, "You are blocking my view of the sex shark!"

The song ended, and there was much applause from the students. Will would have stood up to congratulate Puck and Mercedes, but his larger-than-average penis still stood erect, and it would have been awkward for everyone.

Rachel was next to sing, and luckily her hideous face was a total boner-killer for Will. "Fucking Rachel, god she is ugly." Rachel sang some song from _A Chorus Line_ and Will was bored, which was the norm whenever Rachel opened her ungodly lopsided mouth.

Just as Sam and Mike were preparing to sing some sort of duet (and Will's massive erection was back at the thought of a three-way with the two), the door flew open, and in stepped Sue Sylvester with an assault rifle. Little Becky stood brandishing a large knife behind Sue.

"Its time for you rejects to die! Especially you, William!"

And then Sue, with the gun's sight set directly on Will, pulled the trigger.


	3. The Third Chapter

Chapter III – TiK ToK

Back at Dalton, Kurt Hummel was admiring the nice plaster modeling on the columns in the grand foyer, when Blaine Anderson exited the slow-motion hallway and entered real-time. His blazer was soaking with his sweat.

Kurt imagined slowly sliding the damp blazer off Blaine, unlacing the red and black striped tie, unbuttoning the buttons on Blaine's white shirt and letting it fall to the floor. Then the pants. Slowly Kurt imagined unzipping them; they slowly fall to the floor. Then Blaine, in just his tight, Dalton Academy underpants, would remove Kurt's clothes, and press his lips onto Kurt's. Slowly, as if in the hallway that made many students tardy, they would fall onto the bed. Their bodies pressed together, breathing heavily, and passionately kissing. Then Blaine would slide Kurt's underpants off, and then his own. Then Blaine –

"Hey Kurt!" Blaine said, interrupting Kurt's daydream, "Ready to go to class?" Blaine grabbed Kurt's hand without him answering and pulled him up. Together, hand in hand, they ran to class – Kurt's book conveniently covering up his hard manhood.

Back at McKinley, a masked gunman was running loose!

* * *

Scratch that.

Back at McKinley Sue Sylvester was aiming a gun at Will Schuester's head. And she pulled the trigger.

Nothing happened.

Well, there was a dull metallic *click*

But other than that, nothing happened.

Sue looked at Becky. "Plan B," she whispered. And they chucked their weapons at the Glee kids and ran like hell.

Will Schuester let out a sigh of relief.

"Uh, Mr. Schue," said Mike Chang, "these weapons are just plastic."

"Damn that Sue Sylvester!" said Will, dropping down to his knees. He then threw his hands into the air, and yelled "_**DAMN HER!**_"

The Glee kids stared at him, confused and frightened.

"Mr. Schuester is having a Sue-out again," said Puck, "I'll take him to his office to calm down."

"I'll come with you!" said Mercedes.

"No!" said Puck harshly, "I have to do this. Alone."

He then took Mr. Schue by the shoulders and led him out of the room and down the hall to his office. On the way out, Will squeezed Puck's ass, which luckily went unnoticed by the other students.

* * *

Meanwhile, at Dalton, Kurt and Blaine had just finished their "European History and its Effects on Modern Society and Why the Fuck is the Sky Blue?" class. Kurt was dreading his walk back down the slow-motion hallway, but at the same time, he was excited because it would provide for opportunities for his hand to "accidentally" brush Blaine's buttcheeks.

Just as Kurt was about to enter the slow-motion hallway, he noticed Blaine wasn't with him. He turned, and Blaine was nowhere to be found.


End file.
